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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her husband left her, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, many close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a trip abroad I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to offer advice, yet it was met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her plans. I have returned from four weeks in that place she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, yet this is seldom the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Next is to tell how this leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Emotions belong to you, of course. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. But she may at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have closure from having been truthful.